Mistakes of a Coward

[From my Friendster Blog]
[Date Written: June 23, 2006]

It's been sometime now since I've written something here. I just feel so lost knowing I've been a coward to accept the fact that I do love her so much. Even if things went to many wrong ways and paths...I did become a coward to accept that I could'nt live a day without thinking of her...could'nt sleep at night not hoping to be with with her forever. Now, I don't know where I am to go. I already did everything I could to make her feel how important she is to my life. But then, as many have said, maybe it's already too late. I know, but deep inside I regret the ways I did to hide my true feelings. Maybe indeed it is already too late...but let me just say, I loved her more than anyone I have loved before. If in many occasions I'm showing that I'm ok...deep inside I'm not. I was too afraid to accept the fact that I love her and get hurt in doing so again. But what hurts most more than what I've felt before...is to lose her.

I did LOVE you in so many ways.

I did LOVE you even if you gave me pain.

The LOVE for you never left me.

I kept it inside but was afraid to show it off.

I LOVE you and I NEED you in my life.

And if one day you never see me anymore, don't think that I left because I don't love you. I left because I couldn't bare to feel the pain I've caused myself. The pain of not being true to myself...not true to what I really feel...afraid to show you how much I do care and love you.

I'm sorry if I must go.
Just don't know what to do without you.